It has been awhile since my last post, I guess I was a bit exasperated after sharing my tragedy. I decided on Monday that I was simply not ready to return to work, despite already having a few weeks off after my miscarrriage. I've since had a few "low" days, as I found myself at home with so much time on my hands and simply watching the "boob tube" to kill the time between dropping my daughter off at school at 8 and picking her up by 3pm.
This is far different from my feelings of elation last week after my remarkable revelation of restoration and rebuilding . I now realize that the enemy is trying to steal my joy during this time, as he knows how close I am to walking right into my season! Therefore, I have to take a step back and examine what has miraculously happened over the last week. As you may recall from my earlier posts, my marriage has been severely strained for a period of 4 years. I have cried a lot of tears, have had a lot of anger, have prayed, oh I've faithfully prayed. Knowing that God wanted to use my marriage as a testimony to others was the "string" that sometimes held me together during this rough time. Most of the challenges have derived from an assumed breach of trust, an incident that has driven a wedge between me and the man that I love so dearly. What makes matters worse is that all along I've known that the mere fact that this so called "incident" has had such a stronghold on my marriage definitely attests to the fact that this battle is not about flesh and blood. It's clearly a spiritual battle, one that can only be won with the power of my Almighty Father above. Well, being a Christian and having faith, this should be easy, right? Of course not! If anyone has ever been falsely accused and continued to pay the "price" of trying to rebuild assumed broken trust in a marriage for 4 consecutive years amongst job loss, financial troubles, misery in Corporate America, and the arduous task of raising a young daughter, one can and does get very weary. All I can say is God brought me through and standing on His word carried me on when I felt I could go no longer. His strength really is made perfect in our weakness if we simply confess our feelings of inadequacy to Him. God is awesome! Sometimes, however, when we are focusing on one area of our lives (my work situation and how it will all work out), we can miss the blessings that come in other areas of our lives if we're not careful. You see, over the past week, I now realize that it is as if God breathed new "life" into my marriage. I seemed to have overnight regained the affections of my husband, which means so much to me. Miraculously and suddenly, he looks at me with love instead of disdain, wants to talk to me constantly, and wants to renew a sense of intimacy that we've lacked for so long! The restoration has begun! My husband even overlooked our financial hardships to focus on the additional time I needed away from work and even willingly offered to pick up my slack on his second job. This is huge!! Monumental!! Phenomenal!! I want to bask in this and NOT let the enemy steal my joy.
My lesson in this that I'd like to share is simple. It's all about our focus. If we focus on God and how faithful He is, and the blessings that we receive every day, we will be in a posture of gratefulness, and will not miss the blessings that we may have prayed for incessantly. Conversely, if we focus on our circumstances (there's always something in our lives that we're not happy about) then we may miss giving God the praise that He so deserves. Have patience, read the word, and KNOW THAT GOD IS FAITHFUL!! This is the season for harvest, and I know that I don't want to miss it!!!!!
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